Thursday, August 3, 2023
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Left for dead? In a field? A car? Someone’s basement? Dexter?

Well, either way you look at it, it’s dire, sure. You’re dead. But the interesting thing is, what happens to your body, your bones and muscles after you die?

We all know you rot… But how much, and how fast?

Buckle up, we’re about to go knee deep.

First off, after your brain quits, you’ll start to lose body temperature. Shortly after, your brains cells will begin to die (like they already aren’t), deprived of oxygen, it’s adiĆ³s.

Your body will tense up; rigor mortis sets in, and you’ll stay stiff like that for a good 3 days (you wish).

Then finally your muscles will relax, let off gas, and dump all its bodily fluids (#1 and #2)… Another reason not to wear white!

You skin will droop (like Pearl the Fat Vampire in Blade)…

After that, you’ll look like a melted snowman (Yes, that is a carrot in my pocket).

That languish will also pool your blood to the bottom, leaving you stuck to the floor like an overturned raspberry donut.

Then you’ll reduce like shrink wrap; your skin will suck into your body making you look emaciated (so much for Botox). Not to mention, you’ll start to really stink (more than normal).

Bacterial will begin to have a field day, and the 10,000 bugs will feast. You’ll be a maggot hotel in weeks.

Your hair will fall out, you’ll turn all sorts of disgusting purple colors, and your body will eat itself up like chicken nuggets and BBQ sauce.

Within months, your skin will decompose, and soon enough, you’ll become a lovely Halloween skeleton costume (#ad)… With a few strings attached, that is! And beetles, carrion feeders, flesh flies… hungry things that lay eggs and call your carcass Home Sweet Home. “Hey, that’s my eye socket!”

And there you’ll be, skinnier than ever, decayed, and smelling like something the cat dragged in. What a lovely thought. I can’t wait. Jenny Craig, eat your heart out.

Now, doesn’t Joan of Arc sound like a much quicker way to die?

Unless you’re fond of larvae…

Howler Monkey
The most bizarre news, product, and people from around the world. Plus crazy things like videos, jokes, memes and celebrities. Yeah, I know.
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